Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
