My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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