he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
