He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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