i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
