Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
