I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
