I CAN MOONWALK!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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