No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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