I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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