Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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