Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
40s are totally the cure
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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