I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
