Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
