You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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