My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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