he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
