i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
