but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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