I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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