the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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