Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
