I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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