He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
