I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
