Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
