Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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