Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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