How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
