I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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