yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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