there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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