this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
