question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
