shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
