he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
