and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
