I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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