Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
