We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
