i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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