I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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