i just had sex bonerless
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude. I can hear the air.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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