I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
