I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
