You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
