census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
