My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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