I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
