I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
