I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
