You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
