I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
